Slowing down down down.

Everything is cool when you're part of a team...
Sorry. I had to.

So if I'm in a silver-lining sort of mood (which still happens occasionally), I can stop and recognize the amazing things in my life even in the midst of confusion and uncertainty. I have to ask myself, if I didn't get sick, would I have ever bothered to slow down? That is what the sabbatical was supposed to solve for. It was supposed to fix my horribly-off-balance work/life balance. While stress doesn't cause sickness, it doesn't help -- not at all. As one of the specialists I've seen says, "Stress ups your chance of dying from just about anything."

Thanks, Doc. I feel much calmer now.

Spending two months feeling pretty sick and out of it has been hard. There are days when it takes a big act of will to do normal-person things, like showering before 5pm (you think I'm kidding but I'm not). It helps me understand how easy it is to take good health for granted and makes me long for the days when everything was normal like that. I imagine that is what old age must feel like -- you yearn for the days when you could run with no effort and stay on your feet all day without aches and pains. I get this aging thing now and I think it's best that I come to terms with it now.

Books are always an escape.

Slowing down has been a good thing, though. I have a new appreciation for energy when I have it. Instead of fighting myself when I don't have it, though, I'm learning to accept it. So the silver lining there has been many afternoons or evenings on the couch with my cat and a book. I've read some fantastic books. I had this idea that one of these days I'd write about all of them in another massive blog post. That hasn't happened and I don't know that it will. I might try to do short entries (2-3 paragraphs) of books I really love. In the spirit of easing up on myself, I might not at all. And that's okay.

It's not that I forgot about how much I love to read, but it feels a little different now. Part of my love for reading was always in the accomplishment of it -- thus the book spreadsheet to track every last tome that I read cover to cover. But it's not very fun. The race to finish more books doesn't always equal more joy.

Another thing I've started again is re-reading my favorite books from childhood. Last year I read the entire Little House on the Prairie series again -- what fun that was. It's book candy -- simple, fun stories that make me remember those fun times. My favorite activity for my Barbies -- well, other than Barbie wedding, of course -- was pioneer Barbies. They'd pack up into their shoebox wagon and take off for the Wild West. These childhood books remind me of times when I wasn't weighed down by too much reality. Those were good days.

I've also developed a love affair with BBC's Sherlock. I'm not sure when I became such a show-binge-watcher, but I am now. Sherlock? Mind-blowing. And, to bring it full-circle, I think I might have to read more of the Sherlock stories again.

xo,
Sarah

Too many quotes to choose from.