In sickness

I never quite understood parts of wedding vows. In most English-language, Christian vows there is the part that you can probably recite -- for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I know -- I've said a variation on them before. We won't go there today. But they never quite made sense to me.

Endless benefits, really...

For better? How is it difficult to love someone if they are incredible? And for richer -- who turns down a spouse with a big bank account? And in health? These are easy people to love. Give me someone who is better, richer, and healthy. Yes please.

Of course, the catch is in the other halves of those statements -- for worse, for poorer, and, in my case, in sickness. Perhaps the vows should really say, "When she has the flu, will you still love her? What about when she's gambled all of your money away? And what if she turns into her mother? Will you still be there? Huh? Huh?!?"

I suppose a wedding is supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion, so I can see why they decided to make the vows more poetic.

Now I find myself in sickness and am buoyed by the support and kindness and care of others, though Sergio hasn't left my side yet.

WebMD isn't an option anymore.

When things were first pretty grim, I wasn't doing much other than sleeping and shuffling from room to room in my house in my pajamas. Imagine my hair sticking out in all directions and my socks half off of my feet. I felt sad and frustrated and confused -- why couldn't they say what was wrong with me? Yet in his patience and wisdom, Sergio would just hug me and tell me that I was strong and that he wasn't going anywhere.

I had a sense he probably wasn't going anywhere. He had already taken care of me when I had Norovirus last year, a highly unpleasant experiences. He tolerates my hangry (hungry + angry) behavior at least a few times a week. Still I knew it was a different situation and it was hard to know what would happen. That's who I am -- I am terrible at letting others help me and I feel guilty when I impose on others. Months of sickness? Right. That's really fun.

But through weird food restrictions (thankfully I am not gluten-intolerant!), strange and painful side effects, lack of sleep and too much sleep, bad moods, no energy, and all, Sergio is here. Whether it was working from home when things were really bad or taking over all adult activities (laundry, cooking, shopping, feeding my cat) or letting me rule the remote once the couch became my home -- he's done it. For some time a few of the medications made me dizzy in the morning, so I would wake up and see a banana on my nightstand -- we have since dubbed it the Banana Delivery Service (BDS). The BDS hit a new standard when each banana came with a napkin because, really, what else do you do with the banana strings when you are in bed?

It's more than that, though -- it's acknowledging that I'm not sure what to do and reaching out a hand for help. And to have Sergio's hand reaching towards mine when I haven't always had the strength or energy to call? Now that's commitment. That's what can make me smile on my darkest day.

I am getting better and I'm thankful for the improvements. It is a long hill to climb, unfortunately, and I have much more to go. It's moments like this that I feel blessed to have lived such a healthy life so far, and it makes me hope for that to return again.

xo,
Sarah