Whenever I've talked about my sabbatical to someone, everyone focuses on the "fun" and "exciting" things that I'll be doing. "Where are you going?" they'll ask, without fail, and then when I start listing off places on my fingers, they'll shake their heads and tell me just how much fun I will have. And, with two trips behind me (and at least three to go), I agree with them. What a cool opportunity I have.
But there has been something else that I have been looking forward too -- and have enjoyed greatly as well, and that's taking care of all of those other things that I have neglected for months and even years. It's fixing different accounts, finishing piles of filing, and finally hanging up those photos in the front hall that have been waiting in frames for two years. It's completing a throw-away binge in the last two untouched rooms of my house and digitizing my recipes. It's scheduling the sorts of maintenance on my house that I need and finding a yard service. And it's running errands in the middle of the day instead of devoting my Saturday or Sunday mornings to them.
And it is glorious.
I had determined some years ago that what I really needed was a wife. I know that sounds a bit sexist, but, traditionally, that's what wives did -- they took care of kids and the house and the errands and whatever else needed to be done. I'm not that kind of woman -- the housewife type, that is. Or call this role a personal assistant. I would kill to have someone that not only notices that I need cat litter, but has time to pick it up for me. That's how things work normally. I can't imagine what it will be like with kids someday. Yikes.
So having the time to actually do these things myself is fantastic. I am getting a great sense of accomplishment from all of the things that I get to check off, of how efficient I am getting at errands despite the plethora of slow-moving minivans and Buicks on the roads in the middle of the day. But before you think that I've found my new calling, I realize it's a hollow sort of achievement, even as I haul paper towels and toothpaste and hose reels from the back of Sherman. Yes, it feels nice every time I finish a recipe, but, really, what have I really achieved?
What really excites me about life -- what really keeps me going -- is connecting with and helping other people. And while it feels nice to help myself, to get my life in better order, it still feels not so important. I had the urge on Monday to call up a friend and go out and do something... until I realized that everyone else was at work and I was all alone. Reflecting on it now, it feels like both worlds can be isolating -- if you're home with kids, how do you stay engaged? And if you're always working, how do you find time to get everything done?
I'm not the first person to think about this, obviously -- it's just the first time in my adult life that I have been working full-time or in school full-time (or, for those three glorious years, working full-time and in school part-time). But if part of this whole experience is to figure out a new sort of balance for myself, I need to give it more thought and figure it out.
But I want to keep this newfound energy going -- at least until I finish making some cards, clean out my dryer vent, and go through my sweaters. If nothing else, I'll re-enter the world more organized and less cluttered than ever before!
xo
Sarah
No comments:
Post a Comment