Sarahenity: On the road: San Diego

Beautiful Balboa Park

San Diego was a very special trip for me -- hopefully for both of us. It was also one of the toughest trips in recent memory because it was our first major trip post-anxiety crisis. Travel has been something that I have grown to love in the past ten years, but in the past year it has been incredibly stressful.

This is not the normal travel post. I am excited to share some photos and some memories because this blog is also a way for me to remember and preserve all of my travel adventures for myself. But this trip was different. I'm not about to gloss over the other parts and just post a highlight reel. Not anymore.

I haven't had the energy to plan as much as I'd like, so I feel less prepared for trips. But it's not even that -- the day before generally brings an anxiety attack. To the uninitiated, a panic attack starts without a clear trigger -- for example, last spring I was getting a pedicure (same salon, same chair, same super-nice lady, same everything) and went into full panic attack mode. They come on suddenly and without warning.

Anxiety attacks -- these are the interesting ones. Most of the symptoms are relatively similar (though generally less severe), but they are brought on by a specific -- and, if you think about it -- known trigger. Travel used to be an anxiety-producing experience for me but after a lot of practice, it became very comfortable.

Until now.

I decided to plan a long weekend in San Diego as a thank-you to Sergio. He has been my rock during all of this, supportive as I could ever hope. Never once has he blamed me for how I feel -- even on dark days, he reminds me, "You'll get better. We won't stop until you do" and then just holds me when I cry. He loves surprises and adventures, so I decided to plan a surprise weekend for him. I would pack his bag and make all the arrangements -- he would just have to show up. Half of the fun was letting him try to guess our destination. I'm a terrible liar with a nonexistent poker-face, so I knew if he guessed correctly I was sunk.

Point Loma Lighthouse

He never did guess it. For some reason he thought San Diego was in the Bay Area, so once he was sure we weren't heading to San Francisco, SD was left in the dust. My mom guessed though -- and on the first try. If there is anything that frustrates Sergio, it's when someone else has out-clevered him.

So here we were, driving to the airport and my stomach was in knots. I was stuck in my own head, thinking ahead twenty-seven steps and analyzing what might go wrong and how to adjust. Anxiety, friends, is not rational. I've never missed a flight and never been faced with a travel conundrum I can't solve. But that's what travel has been as of late -- sightseeing, dining, and a little dip or a crash here or there.

San Diego was no different. We got into our hotel late Thursday -- I had been so excited to stay there because I had read about it in Sunset Magazine and it looked hip, fun, and comfortable. Not so much. We battled ants, noise (really, who puts the bed right next to the hallway where suitcases and cleaning carts roll back at seven in the morning?) and, most of all, light -- so much light in the room that you could read with all the lights off.

I'd argue the highlight of our trip was visiting the San Diego Wild Animal Park. My favorite part of the day was the Cheetah Run -- I bought the VIP tickets that allowed us to meet and greet two big cats and gave us reserved, front-row seats. We were able to meet one of the caracals, below, before the run.

So curious. Loved the ear hairs.

Run, Yeti, run!

This is the only zoo in the US that lets cheetahs run at full speed. Picture a huge grass runway and you get the idea. The cheetahs are paired with large dogs -- they spend all of their time together. The dogs are relaxed around people -- cheetahs are naturally skeptical and easily spooked. If the cheetah can watch his buddy run first (as Yeti is doing, above) he or she is ready to participate. It's incredible -- the video doesn't do it justice, but you get an idea. So after Yeti runs, Shiley runs.

Less than five seconds at more than 60 mph. Breathtaking.

Post-run, Yeti and Shiley came for some meat (popsicles) and some meet-and-greet.

Very much a scaredy-cat

It's clear why they call them animal ambassadors -- just a few moments up-close with one of these animals makes you wonder how anyone could ever hunt and kill them for sport. We also had a chance to take a safari tour (and feed giraffes and rhinos), as well as tour some of the park's newest exhibits -- the tigers in particular were beautiful.

And the next day? Crash. Hardcore crash. Sleep-in-bed-until-2pm crash. I was able to get it together so we could go walk around Balboa Park and grab dinner together.

These were inspired by the Alcazar.
Having been to the Alcazar, I might not have
billed them that way...

The park was beautiful -- the sort of place I'd want to go and spend time if I lived in San Diego. As we walked, locals and tourists roamed from sight to sight. Most of the museums were already closed by the time we arrived, so we spent more time in the gardens. The succulent and rose gardens were particularly beautiful, and they were on an edge of a hill overlooking an open plateau covered in running and biking trails.

Sunday was similarly low-key -- we had a relatively early flight, so we knew we wouldn't have too much free time. We went to Point Loma so Sergio could get some incredible shots of the ocean and the city skyline.

As we settled into our seats for the flight home, I realized that I was really thankful for this first trip together. In my head I had different ideas of what might have been or could have been. But every day, whether home or on the road, has been a lesson in learning to take life as it comes instead of applying too many ideals to everything.

That makes travel a bit different, really. I sound like a broken record when I say that dealing with anxiety is a never-ending lesson, but it's true. When it smacks you in the face every day, you pay attention and learn from those unhealthy behaviors and destructive patterns. I had the chance to take what I learned from San Diego to make our trip to Hawaii much better -- and I'm still reflecting on what didn't go well from Hawaii so I'm ready for Mexico (hopefully, fingers-crossed) in November.

So it's a travel post of a new kind -- and I hoped you enjoyed it. I feel my blog evolving beneath my fingers and I'm liking it. I'm still me -- I'm just tired of not being fully, authentically me. Life just got real -- the blog must follow.

Favorite picture from the trip.

I wanted to share a few more photos (see below). The rest are posted on my G+ stream (we share with friends-only, so circle us!).

xo,
Sarah

P.S. Half-finished blogs are clogging up my queue -- blame life for getting in the way. Plenty to come about our trip to Hawaii, family visits, and another health update.

I'm hanging in there.