Sabbatical: Halfway through!

So I realized this weekend that I'm now halfway through my sabbatical.  This is just plain crazy and I have a hard time believing that it's true -- but I consulted a calendar and realized that, yes, I was halfway through.  Six weeks down, six weeks to go.  And, in my true Sarah-style, it's a perfect opportunity to reflect.  And blog.

As you will remember, I had lots of goals for this sabbatical. Some of them have gone quite well (namely those around my health, hiking and trying new things, and getting small little projects done).  Some of them have failed (I have digitized approximately zero recipes, but I'm okay with that).  And there have been some surprises (baby grand piano, small day trips and mini-vacations, and Pinterest recipe experiments).  And some, like hanging out with my Astrix, my little Pwny, have been as wonderful as one could possibly hope for.

Relaxing with my BFF.  That's Best Fur Friend.

I had this sense that the sabbatical would be nothing but relaxation 24/7 and that I would have no stress and no cares at all -- and that I would be incredibly productive.  Now, in all honesty, this has been true in some spirit of it (but please note than when someone asked Sergio if I was relaxed, he laughed and said no).

That's sabbatical lesson #1 -- Only you know what the experience has meant to you and only you know how you feel.

Part of this whole process was to let myself step away from my job so I could just focus on me -- whatever that meant.  And there are a lot of days when I wake up feeling like a million dollars, ready to tackle the world. And then there are days, especially this month, when I wake up and think, What in the world am I doing?  How am I making the world a better place?  Yeah, I'm emptying out my Netflix queue and taking down a whole ton of books... and?  AND?

I have a hard time sitting still for photos.

More than anything, this time off has reminded me that it is okay to be myself -- and myself is a little too energetic, a little too ambitious, and going 24/7.  I'm never going to be someone who completely relaxes in the zen moments of life -- and that's okay.  It's hard to tell someone who values sitting and doing nothing that, hey, that just doesn't feel right to me.  And when I do it?  I am left feeling pretty aimless, which brings us to...

Sabbatical lesson #2 -- I will never, in my life, be a stay-at-home mom. Ever.  If you can do it, I commend you.  I applaud you.  But me not working and not traveling?  Epic failure.  It's never something that I had seriously considered or wanted for myself, but I am completely convinced that it is the worst idea ever (for me), and living it (sort of) helped cement that which I more or less already knew.

I shared this with Sergio.  His response?  "Duh.  That would be the worst thing ever, you not working because you'd go crazy."

"Go crazy?" I responded.  "F that.  I am crazy.  Right now."

Thank goodness he gets me.

So I'm not just wasting entire days, I've tried to come up with more things to do -- so I'm proud to say that I've been running and working out much more (even some days with two workouts!), learning several new Chopin pieces, checking out local stuff I've wanted to see (just wait for my photos from the Cougar Mountain Zoo), saying hello to friends (who have the nerve to work all day, damn it!), experimenting with Pinterest and a plethora of new recipes, and reading reading reading.  That's lesson #3 -- I enjoy my days much more when I have a few things lined up for myself, whether it's tackling a task or taking on a new song.  It makes me feel a lot better about myself instead of being a glutton and eating a chocolate bar while binging on six hours of my favorite tv shows.

Not that I've done that.  I'm trying to restrain myself with Orange is the New Black, as we blew through Downton Abbey in about a month (yes, all three seasons).

The big pick-me-up trip is coming -- less than two weeks until the three-week European vacation! -- but this has certainly reminded me that I can find joy in simple things if I stay busy enough, but that it is so important to me and who I am to have a vocation and to make a difference in the world. And that's a good thing.

So.  I'm not going to sit here and say I wish I was at work because most of me doesn't.  But what I will say is that these six weeks have reminded me that who I am, stress and all, is okay, and, for me, keeping engaged with myself and the world is the best thing of all.  And there is time left -- and this is the best part!  It will be nice to finish up a few things on my to-do list, to take the last vacation of the summer, and to finally (FINALLY) try to catch up on sleep.

It's going to be a freakin' awesome six weeks, that I'm sure of...

xo
Sarah